Balancing leadership and self-care when health issues strike

You might have noticed that it’s been a while since my last post. That’s not my intention, but sometimes our plans and commitments don’t always go as we intended, right? This post is inspired by that. It creates a space for me to share vulnerably and with an open heart about how I’ve been treading a careful line of balancing leadership and self-care in recent months.

Over the last few months I’ve been wrestling with anxiety, and periods of depression. A consequence has also been physical symptoms too, like a bout of tonsillitis that I just couldn’t easily shift.

This last year has encouraged me - alongside the work I do with my coaching clients - to make some big breakthroughs and transformations in my life. A common theme for me is about connection with other people, relationships and asking for support. I’ll save the details for another post, but suffice to say that it’s opened some wounds, shone a spotlight on some tough stuff to swallow, and sparked a lot of anxiety that I’ve learned has been there since childhood. All fun stuff. But I’m human. And very self-aware.

Alongside all of this I’m also a leader. I run a consultancy practice (and employ a whole team of staff) alongside my coaching work. I’m a leader in my coaching work. I’m a leader in the work I do outwardly in my sector, with clients and connections looking to me for leadership, guidance, inspiration, and so forth. But when anxiety and depression hit hard, so too can it make leadership feel like an impossible uphill struggle or even a burden.

When people expect so much of you, how do you balance the demands of leadership with the real need of self-care that anxiety and depression shines a light on? Let’s share some thoughts about that…

1. Recognise that leadership and self-care are not at odds with each other
   
   We either take care of everything that needs to be done and all the people that we serve as leaders, or we take care of ourselves, right? Well, no. That’s a destructive either/or if ever there was one. Setting leadership and self-care up as two sides of a pendulum is a sure way of plummeting into the lose-lose. So, first shake off the notion that caring for yourself and getting your own needs met is somehow at odds with being a leader.
   

2. Use self-care as a leader to create a clearing for healthy priorities amongst those you lead
   
   Leaders have responsibilities to others. One of those responsibilities is to lead in setting healthy examples. Pushing on when you’re feeling “bad” only worsens the symptoms. It can lead to resentment, poor performance, angry outbursts, and a downward spiral that might even end in burnout (I’ve been there) or worse. Nobody wants to see other people push themselves to that place, so why do it to yourself? Self-care is the ultimate way that a leader can also show that they care for others. By caring for yourself, you set an example and a clearing for others to care for themselves too. You’re not letting people down, you’re setting a powerful example for them to care for themselves.
   

3. Seize it as an opportunity to develop your leadership skills
   
   With a commitment to setting a great example, integrating self-care into your leadership offers a great opportunity for you to experiment with your leadership style. It offers a place to play with leading from vulnerability and seeing the impact that has. It offers a place to strengthen your skills in delegating, and enrolling others in support... I could go on.
   
   It’s also an opportunity to “notice” and develop a more enlightened sense of awareness of what your body might be telling you. You can then take that new found awareness into the every day. What physical body sensations come up in connection to anger, frustration, relief, or even joy? Notice those sensations in the moments when they’re especially heightened. That awareness provides a powerful warning sign for when you’re feeling more like your “normal” self (whatever that means). It strengthens your ability to “read” yourself and thus lead with better self-awareness, intention and clarity in future.
   
   A breakthrough for me has been to really get in touch with the signs that I’m feeling resentment and “grumpy”. When they show up, those emotions can serve to intimidate others around me. So now I’m getting really good at noticing them - usually body sensations are the first access point to - and making a choice from the act of noticing (“I’m going to take a quick walk or declare my needs…”), instead of making choices from the emotion itself (“I’m going to blame you all for this and be really snarky…”).
   

4. Seize the opportunity to develop their leadership skills
   
   These moments create a beautiful space for you to develop leadership skills amongst others. How about you choose to stop just doing it all? How about you ask them to lead? Remember, there’s a difference between leadership and line management or control. I see that everyone in my team can be (and is) a leader. Taking a step back and dialling down your own leadership style (especially while focusing on self-care) is a powerful way of creating the space for others to step up as leaders, and to develop their skills. And since your own commitment to self-care can breed more awareness, compassion, kindness and patience in you, so too will you have created a space for you to be a powerful source of support for their development as a leader. You also get to learn from their experiments in leadership.

I want to finish on a note about forgiveness. It’s all too easy for us leaders to get into a beat-up cycle when it feels like we’re not leading in a manner that we’re used to. Practicing forgiveness of yourself is a powerful part of self-care. For me, every morning I now ask myself (and journal) “what am I blaming myself for right now?” I then take the time to create practices or structures to create forgiveness for myself and to thus remove self-blame.

Be kind to yourself, folks. A kind leader is a powerful leader. And that starts with self-kindness and self-care.

Want to be better supported as a leader?

Coaching offers a powerful support and accountability structure for leaders. It supports you to grow and pursue your goals and dreams, while also taking a stand for your health and wellbeing. Schedule a free sample coaching session with Tracy to experience the power of a coaching partnership in your life and leadership.