I just need to do it

There are a great many reasons (cough “excuses” cough) that my coaching clients share for why they’re not in action actually working towards the thing that they’ve declared that they want in life:

• I don’t know how

• I need to do this other thing first

• I’ll do it later

• I don’t yet feel like it

• I can’t do it

• It won’t work

• … I could go on for an entire post (or book) just about this.

I just need to do it

But for as many clients that have excuses not to do the thing, the same number will also declare “well, yeah, I know exactly what I need to do so I just need to actually do it.”

Generally they express this with a degree of grumpiness towards me. My job, after all, as their coach is to stand for them to stay on track in creating the life that they dream of. And “I just need to do it” is often a way of trying to shrug me off from being up in their stuff. “So, if you just need to do it, what’s stopping you?” Nobody likes that question. But it tells us what’s really going on.

It goes something like this…

Me: “So, you know what the thing is that you want and need to do?”
Client: “Yep”
Me: “I notice that you haven’t done it. How come?”
Client [silently judging themselves]: “I don’t know. I guess I just need to do it.”
Me: “Great! So, by when will you do it?”
Client: [silent, looking for reasons to kick it down the road even more]
Me: [standing for what they actually say they want in life]
Client: “Errrr”
Me: “Yes?”
Client: “Yeah, okay, I’ll just do it then.”
Me: “Well, I notice that you haven’t done it before, so how’s that going to go different this time?”

Reliability and accountability

What we’re getting to here is uncovering our relationship to reliability and accountability. And no matter how we relate to it, there is nothing wrong. It’s totally human to be a little unreliable in getting things done. There’s no judgement here. Beating yourself up for not doing the thing isn’t going to create any lasting breakthroughs for you.

But if you want to live the life that you declared you want to live (y’know, while you still have time to actually enjoy it), you’re gonna need to do some stuff. And if you keep saying “I just need to do it”, and you don’t then you’re not really reliable for doing the thing.

That’s where accountability comes in.

“I’ll just do it” often doesn’t work because there isn’t any kind of accountability structure in place to ensure you’ll do it. In an ideal world, we’d all value our own self-worth so highly that we’d be fully in integrity with the things we want to create for ourselves, and constantly doing them when we said we’d do them. But few people experience those levels of self-worth without some form of support (like coaching or that friend who constantly stands for us) to remind them of it.

Accountability structures: practices to explore

“I just need to do it but I predictably won’t actually do it” can be bust up if we put accountability structures in place. Debunk the myth that willpower alone will work. Rarely is willpower actually the answer. We usually need more structure than that. So, let’s look at some more tangible accountability structures!

Accountability can look like:

• Working with others who are in it with you - weight loss clubs and other support communities (like AA) are a great example of this. One of my preferred approaches is power hours with my peers (this is a feature of my Playful and Powerful Professionals group coaching programme where we have weekly power hours to work on the things that propel us towards the life of our dreams).

• Having a coach (like me!), who stands for you getting what you’ve declared you want and not letting your excuses or the circumstances of your life actually get in the way.

• Asking someone to be your accountability buddy. Declaring to that person “hey, I’ve said that I’m gonna do this thing by Thursday next week, will you please keep nudging me to do it and hold me to account for actually getting it done?”

• Reversing conditions around the things that get in our way. Deliberately provocative suggestion coming here (content warning!) but what if instead of “I can’t do it now because I have to cook dinner for the kids”, it became “I won’t allow myself to cook dinner for the kids until I’ve taken action on the thing I said I’d do”?

• Making it a habit.

• Integrating it with something else. I love the idea of “anchoring” where you attach an action that you’re less reliable to do to an action that you’re totally reliable for or is a habit i.e. every time I brush my teeth (very reliable for this), I will do 50 press ups (not so reliable for this).

• Be your own accountability buddy. Look in the mirror and pretend that person is asking you for accountability to do the thing that they really want to do. What would you tell them? How would you support them? Then take your own advice and do the thing.

• Notice how you self-sabotage the thing that you’ve declared you will do, and remove those distractions. “Well, I’ve said that I’m gonna finish reading that book about healthy financial planning… but I tend to find myself just scrolling social media feeds instead.” So, turn the phone off until you’ve read the chapter of the book. Make the self-sabotage tactic instead become the reward for doing the thing i.e. after you’ve read a chapter, reward yourself with 15 minutes scrolling on Instagram.

• Post reminders to yourself everywhere. Create alerts on your phone, put it in your calendar, cover your bathroom mirror in post-it notes reminding you to do the damn thing.

• If you’re a list-maker (and use it reliably), make it a to do item on your list.

Above all, consider that doing the thing need not be a solitary act, and getting supported with accountability is a powerful way to keep ourselves on track in working towards our dreams.

Take a look at my 1-2-1 and group coaching programmes to explore the accountability structures that I offer.