Take a moment: get supported

In my previous post, we explored the opportunity of being in triggering circumstances to identify your unmet needs. In today’s post we’ll take this one step further by considering how to get supported in ensuring that those needs do, in fact, get met.

I have a tough enough time just identify what I actually really need at any moment in time. But when I’m asked - usually by my own coach - what support I need, “I don’t know” is often my go-to reply. You see, I’m one of those do-it-all-alone people. I’m pretty capable. I come from a family of craftsman and craftswomen, stubborn independence, and an embedded sense of not just of DIY, but of DEY - do everything yourself.

Here’s the thing though: I totally get something out of doing it all myself. I get to be the hero! I get to be valued. I get to be loved. I get to be respected. I get to be admired. I get to be hailed as impressive. In other words, I get my needs met:

• To feel worthy

• To be loved

• To be valued.

The question is, however, must I REALLY do everything myself in order to get those needs met? You see, the DEY approach often triggers resentment.

If we hop back to the previous post to remind ourselves that triggers are a torch that we can use to shine a light on our underlying needs, we see that resentment tells me something. It tells me that perhaps what I really need is support, companionship, connection, or to be held. And none of those needs can truly be met by doing it all alone.

I’ve come to learn that not only is there no shame in being supported in having our needs met, but there is value in it. The value born of connection through vulnerability. But understanding what support we actually need can still be a stop for some of us. And so, for today I will share some thoughts of ways in which we can have others support us in getting our needs met.

• Ask for help

• Ask for acknowledgement

• Ask for a reminder that you’re loved or that you’re safe

• Ask for their time, even just to chat about nothing

• Ask them to hold you accountable to something

• Take on a shared gratitude practice

• Do something for someone else (be in service)

• Request or borrow resources

• Ask for an errand to be run on your behalf

• Ask them to accompany you somewhere

• Invite them to do something fun or playful with you

• Invite people to brainstorm ideas and solutions with you

• Ask for coaching, mentoring, or advice

• Ask someone just to sit with you

• Ask them to be a listening ear while you offload or share something

• Request a hug

• Ask them to ask something of you

• Ask them to make you a cup of tea

• Ask them to tell you a story or share something

• Ask them to leave you alone or support your need for space or silence

• Ask them to suggest ways in which you could be supported by them.

What else? What other ways do you see that you can be supported in getting your needs met?

Get supported through coaching

Don’t forget that coaching is a powerful way to get supported and to help you put support structures in place throughout your life. Reach out to discuss how coaching can support you.