How coaching gave me a life of purpose and balance

I often speak to people face to face about my own experience of coaching and how it changed my life and how I see myself. But I’ve never really shared about it more widely. I thought I’d do that today. So, here’s my own story, and how having the structure of coaching in my life gave me purpose, balance and even more success…

Having grown up in a family business, I knew that I always wanted to be my own boss. After university, I was lucky enough to discover an industry I loved. And at 27, I started my own consultancy.

From there, I started building. I worked harder and harder, driven by a hollering chorus of perfectionism, imposter syndrome, fear of failure, and a sense of “not being enough”.

If you believe the stories we tell ourselves in business and in society, those voices did me a favour. That work helped me find more great clients, hire more excellent staff, and secure speaking opportunities in places I’d never been.

But they also told me lies. They told me that to be successful, you had to do everything yourself. You had to work 90+ hour weeks. You could never let go. And you should constantly post on social media about how busy you were, how long you’d worked, and how much you’ve achieved.

Living the lose-lose

I’d built a life of my own design. And walled myself up in it.

Then came the burnout.

And suddenly my lifestyle wasn’t the badge of pride I told myself it was. I woke up one day after a several weeks of burning the candle at both ends, and my entire body simply said “no”.

I couldn’t open my laptop.

I felt broken, defeated and totally lost. My day stretched out, way into the distance – but I’d run out of petrol.

So I stopped. I quit work for two months. I got busy in the garden. I cooked. I walked. I cuddled my dog. I cried – a lot. I got angry at myself. I got scared. And then I returned.

But I still didn’t really know what it was all for. My entire focus was on shoring up the company, and paying other people’s salaries. That led to resentment.

I wanted to give it all up. I craved freedom, and I didn’t see how the dream of owning a business and hiring staff could be anything other than a burden for me.

Something had to change

And then I hired a coach.

I remember my first session clear as day. After declaring that my ultimate aim was to get my business plan nailed, I ended the session with a clearer idea of what I really needed:

To prioritise my own wellbeing. To focus on a bigger “what for”. And to start really living a life of my own choosing, that wasn’t dictated by others.

At first, I thought: “Wow, there’s a lot of work to do on myself here”. But what really helped me make progress was creating a life which wasn’t always about “hard work”.

I allowed myself to be curious. I allowed myself to play. And from there, everything made more sense. My health improved, I worked less and accomplished so much more, my relationships developed, and I started to fall in love with being a leader instead of resenting being a manager. 

But I wanted more. And my past experience had taught me that trying to do more would result in burnout and pain.

So I played small. I held back. I refused to declare any real dreams and goals, because I feared they might come to nothing. Until I realised that I could learn from my past without letting it stifle my future.

Designing a playbook for my own life

The real breakthrough came when I let myself announce – and pursue – my goals.

And I discovered something. When I focused less on “doing” and more on “being”, opportunities seemed to fall right into my lap. And people started asking me for advice, for coaching, and mentoring.

In 2019/20, I spent a year learning about myself. Understanding my strengths, and the things that hold me back. I did this by joining Accomplishment Coaching’s Coach Training Programme in New York. I trained while developing my own coaching skills and coaching practice, and also worked on myself.

I shifted from living a life of probability, to living one of possibility.

The goal is “having it all”. And I can get there. Just not in the way I used to think about it.

I’m still my own boss, but now I’m in control of myself too. I make time for creativity and play. I surround myself with people who support me, but aren’t afraid to call me out when I’m getting in my own way. And I’m thriving. I earn more and work less, and everything I do has meaning and purpose. I create more and don’t feel burdened by any of it. I lead an empowered team, not one struggling under the weight of my control and perfectionism.

I spent so long trying to do everything myself, that I never realised what I could be if I let others help me.

So that’s what I try and do in coaching now, with my own coaching clients. We explore what they want from life, not with judgement, but with curiosity. We talk about what makes them brilliant, and how they hold themselves back.

We talk about dreams, and what it would take to turn them into plans. We dismantle the barriers that make them feel “stuck”.

We talk about “possibility”, and what that might mean for them. We play in the realm of “impossibility” to see what new and exciting dreams it opens up for them.

And it brings me such deep and profound joy.

Because not everything is about “hard work”. Sometimes, it’s about giving yourself the freedom to slow down, appreciate where you are, and enjoy planning the next adventure.

Want to try it for yourself?

I take such joy in coaching others towards living a life of meaning, purpose, balance and play. I also offer free sample coaching sessions. So if anything in my story resonates with you, let’s chat.